By Julia Corley, Passion and Presence™ facilitator.
I’m involved with Passion & Presence couple retreats because I deeply believe that erotic pleasure is our birthright. Sex is natural, normal, and beautiful. At its essence, it can be a powerful path to connection with ourselves, our lovers, and the divine.
Since I began to consciously know what sex was, it’s always seemed absurd to me that there’s so much shame and secrecy around it, since sex is how we get here and it’s a drive we all feel. Even in this post-sexual revolution, post-feminist, hyper-sexualized, internet age (and perhaps because of it), most of us feel a sense of worry, lack, shame or fear around sex. Rather than being guided by our current longings for pleasure and connection, we may be influenced by forces outside of our selves.
Mindfulness helps us become curious about and conscious of these inner dynamics, and this curiosity is the gateway to new worlds of insights, passionate reconnection, and embodied wisdom.
As the former Retreat Coordinator for Passion & Presence for two years, I responded to many inquiries that were imbued with a general sense of worry. As a participant in and now Facilitator for the retreats, it has been a delight to see that tension melt away in the “classroom.” Here are a few words that I hope will help ease you or your partner’s mind if you are curious about attending a retreat, but find yourself swamped with worry:
Each weekend is deliberately planned to help you feel safe and connected, so you can explore your relationship dynamics around sexuality with your partner. It’s not about exposing yourself to the group (literally or figuratively), or trying to push you to do things you’re not comfortable with. You always have the option to pass if something doesn’t feel okay for you.
The intention is to help the two of you connect in new ways that bring fresh curiosity, excitement, and understanding to the relationship, even though you may have been together for a very long time. You will learn new tools to help you rekindle and tend the spark of Eros, even if it has felt snuffed out or flat for years. As long as both partners are invested in the relationship, and willing to try rather than give up on their sexuality, there is a way.
It’s a deep gift to give each other this kind of time out of ordinary life to focus on what has the potential to be the most profound and delightful part of a committed relationship. Sadly, this potential is hard to access in the face of old wounds, cultural imprints and fear of sharing your inner life with one another. Thus, eroticism often ends up being the most frustrating or painful aspect of long-term partnership. Fortunately, the right kind of direction and support can help you untangle the complicated feeling knots that can form from years of misunderstanding and avoidance.
Mindful sexuality is a practice, so what you get out of it during the retreat and post-retreat is in direct proportion to what you put into it. After completing the intro mini-retreat, Erotic Presence for Pleasure, Connection, and Growth, you can attend any of our Awakened Intimacy retreats for couples and you are always welcome to return for a refresher to deepen your practice. In the meantime, it might help to watch the videos on the Passion & Presence website.
I’m always happy to speak to couples who are considering attending a retreat and we can meet by phone, Skype or FaceTime. Participants of our past series, including same-sex couples, have also agreed to speak to anyone who would like to hear about the retreats first hand.
I hope to meet you in virtually! You can check out my bio HERE.
Julia Corley, Facilitator.
